


A Fools Gold

by Silence_Speaker



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Crack...I think..., Dubious humour, Gen, Martin and Douglas flying a plane.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 03:52:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2176947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silence_Speaker/pseuds/Silence_Speaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Prompt:</p><p>(Minifill)</p><p> <br/><em>Martin steals the Talisker. Or tries. Either way, Martin has had enough of Douglas stealing the whiskey every Birling Day and decides to have a go himself.</em><br/>Does Martin succeed?<br/>Does Douglas succeed? (Because after all, this is 'a time')<br/>Does Mr Birling get to drink his whiskey?<br/>Is there a flying circus with mischievous monkeys in the area?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fools Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure.
> 
> Seriously, if I did not even Arthur would find it _brilliant_.
> 
> Warnings: um...do I need to put up a warning for Martin and Douglas flying a plane? Because even the thought of them flying is scary.
> 
> I should come with a warning, like a cow bell or something...

Martin: _That_ isn’t the Talisker.

Douglas: Yes, it is.

Martin: No, it isn’t.

Douglas: I assure you, Martin, this _is_ the Talisker.

Martin: No it isn’t.

Douglas: Look, *raises voice* Carolyn! *She approaches and enters the cabin.* For the sake of educating the masses, take a sip. Now, is it Talisker?

Carolyn: Yes. *She leaves the flight deck as a passenger presses the button for her attendance. She mutters under her breath as she leaves.* What does he want now?

Douglas: Well then, Martin, it _looks_ like Talisker, is _in_ a Talisker branded bottle, it _smells_ like Talisker and golly! It even _tastes_ like Talisker. So, what conclusion can the class come to today? Arthur?

Arthur: It...looks a _lot_ like Talisker.

Douglas: *Sigh.* Not quite what I was looking for Arthur. It _is_ Talisker.

Martin: Well, yes, it _is_ Talisker but it isn’t _The_ Talisker.

Douglas: ...You’ve lost me.

Martin: Well you see, I swapped the original bottle of Talisker Carolyn brought for Mr Birling last week when I popped round to pick up Arthur and Carolyn was away on that weekend trip with Herc.

Douglas: I see. So, you swapped one bottle of Talisker for another...well done, Martin!

Martin: Well this year is one year _you_ didn’t manage to steal the Talisker! I beat you to it!

Douglas: *Clears his throat pointedly.* What is _this_ then?

Martin: That doesn’t count. It’s not the real bottle.

Douglas: The logo begs to differ.

Martin: Well it’s not the original bottle.

Douglas: ...Well done _Martin_.

 

#

 

_A few hours later:_

Douglas: Incidentally, what did you do with the other bottle of Talisker you oh so _cleverly_ took?

Martin: I sold it.

Douglas: You sold it.

Martin: Yes, well I didn’t want to waste money on a bottle so I sold the bottle for £200 and used the money to buy another bottle.

Douglas: How much did the bottle you bought cost?

Martin: ...£220.

Douglas: Ah. So you did in fact ‘waste’ money on this endeavour to best me at stealing the Talisker.

Martin: ...

Douglas: You continue to reach new heights, mon capitane.

_*Pause in conversation while they fly across the wide blue thing that encompasses most of the earth.*_

Who did you buy Talisker from anyway?

Martin: Dirk.

Douglas: Dirk the grounds keeper?

Martin: Yes...

Douglas: I didn’t know he had _any_ Talisker to sell. I didn’t think _he_ was a connoisseur of whiskey. He is more of a beer-by-any-name-brand-shape-name-or-form kind of man.

Martin: Well when I asked if anyone had any to exchange, I needed it done before Carolyn returned so I had to be quick, he offered.

Douglas: ...Martin, perchance were you sold the very same bottle you supposedly sold? 

Martin: It can’t be. I saw him carry out a bottle shaped item after he stuffed it into the bag he-

Douglas: Martin, how many bottles of Talisker do you think Dirk carries around on his person?

Martin: ...Oh...

Douglas: Oh, indeed. So it seems I did get the original Talisker after all. Well done Martin!

Martin: At least I managed to steal it for once. For a short amount of time. That has to count for something.

Douglas: _Yes_...and then you gave it right back loosing 20 quid on the way. I think that _does_ count for something.

Arthur: And you didn’t even steal it on Birling day Skip, you stole it three days before. It doesn’t really count then. Otherwise I could have stolen it! That would have been a really weird Birling day!


End file.
